Brotherhood Cafe
by Red Witch
Summary: Lance decides to cook a romantic dinner for Kitty. Two problems: Lance can't cook and the only place available is the Brotherhood Boarding House.


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The disclaimer telling all you good people out there that I don't own X-Men Evolution characters has caught on fire. You guessed it, another pointless Lance/Kitty romance gone awry. Not that it's a bad thing.

**Brotherhood Café**

"Please!" Lance begged his teammates. 

"Why should we?" Tabitha folded her arms in disgust." It's just gonna blow up in your face you know!"

"Come on guys!" Lance begged.

"I dunno Lance," Fred sighed. 

"It's just this one night!" Lance told them. "I promise!"

"Of all the crazy schemes for you to win over Kitty…" Pietro shook his head.

"It's a great idea!" Lance said. "What could be more romantic than me cooking dinner for her? What's wrong with that idea?"

"Well for starters you can't cook," Pietro said. 

"I can cook!" Lance snapped.

"Lance we're not talking about reheating Spaghetti-o's here," Pietro told him. "One you can't cook. Two, the only place where you can cook for her is this dump. This place doesn't exactly have the most romantic atmosphere you know. Three, the rest of her X-Geek friends."

"And four," Todd piped up. "Kitty's a vegetarian! What are you gonna do? Roast a carrot?" 

"Five will get you ten he gives her food poisoning," Fred chuckled.

"Not if he burns the place down first," Tabitha snickered.

"Look I figured it all out," Lance told them. "First of all we'll eat outside. Just do a little redecorating and it'll be perfect! Second all her geek friends are all gonna be on dates or busy that night as well. They don't have to know about it! As for the food I'm going to make a salad and I found a recipe for grilled vegetables and an omelet! How hard can it be to cook an omelet for crying out loud? Plus we'll use the grill outside! And she already said yes so pleeeeeeaaaase!" 

"You already asked her?" Todd snapped. "What don't we ever get a say in any of this?" 

"Lance you have got to stop getting all your romantic ideas from 'The Bachelor'," Tabitha groaned. 

"Please I'll do anything!" Lance pleaded.

"Well in that case how can we refuse?" Pietro gave an evil grin. "Besides it might be worth it to see Lance fall on his face yet again!"

"No need for that!" Lance said. "Just help me set up and go! I'll give you money for the movies and popcorn and everything!"

"You mean you want us to do the grunt work but we don't even get to watch?" Todd snapped. "Well I am insulted!" 

"PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAASSSSE!" Lance begged. 

"Oh all right!" Fred groaned. "You win! I can't stand to see you beg!" 

"Fine we'll help you," Pietro rolled his eyes. "But you owe us all big time!"

"Thanks!" Lance smiled. "Well let's get to work on the back yard!"

"Lance your date is on Friday," Pietro pointed out. "Today is Tuesday."

"I know we hardly have any time to prepare!" Lance nodded. "Come on! The first thing we are going to do Toad is get rid of your little 'collection'!"

"No way!" Todd snapped. "You're not getting rid of my little friends!" 

"Yeah I think they add a bit of charm to the place," Fred said.

"Oh I must be desperate if I'm asking for decorating advice from people who like garden gnomes," Lance grumbled as he went outside. 

"We are really going to give it to him aren't we?" Todd asked as they went outside.

"Oh yeah," Fred said.

"Big time," Pietro nodded. 

Friday came sooner than expected. Lance waited not far from the mansion's gates and waited to pick up Kitty. Kitty came out dressed in her turquoise top. "Ready?" Lance smiled as she strapped herself into his jeep.

"Yeah what's this big surprise?" Kitty asked.

"You'll find out when you get there," Lance smirked. 

"Lance why are we here?" Kitty asked as they drove up to the Brotherhood house. "I thought we were going out to dinner?"

"We are," Lance parked the jeep. "But I wanted to show you something first. Uh let's go around back. You really don't want to go through the house. Pietro and Tabitha kinda had an incident today involving her energy bombs, shaving cream, pizza and spray paint." He guided her to the side of the house. "Now close your eyes."

"Why?" She asked skeptically. 

"It's a surprise!" Lance said. "Come on Kitty! No fair peeking!"

"Oh all right," Kitty did as she was told. Lance guided her to the backyard. "This better not be a trick!" 

"It isn't I swear!" Lance told her. "Okay, we're here! Open them!" 

"Oh!" Kitty looked at the backyard. It had been transformed into a beautiful garden thanks to strategically placed outdoor lights and 'borrowed' flowers. There was a table covered with a tablecloth. On top were lit candles, a salad, plates and a single red rose. "Lance…I…"

"Not a word," Lance smiled pulling out the chair for her. "Welcome to the Brotherhood Café." 

"What is all this?" Kitty was awed at the beauty of her surroundings as she sat down.

"Tonight I am going to cook you the best dinner you ever had!" Lance said proudly. " Omelet and Grilled Vegetables ala Avalanche!" 

"I can't believe how beautiful this place is," Kitty looked around. "Lance can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What's with all the garden gnomes?" She pointed to a cluster of garden gnomes wearing bow ties nearby. 

"I told Toad to get rid of those!" Lance groaned. "Uh I can explain. You see sometimes Toad likes to 'collect' things. Lately it's been garden gnomes. I don't know why he gets them, I don't know where he gets them and I don't want to know! I just live here." 

"Is it me or are they kinda creepy?" Kitty looked at them.

"They give me the chills too," Lance said. "Well at least he's given up collecting car parts and bowling balls." 

"Why don't we talk about something else?" Kitty blinked. 

"Good idea!" Lance sighed with relief. "Would you like some salad my lady?" 

"Please," Kitty nodded. "Wow you did a great job with this Lance! What kind of dressing is that?" 

"I have no idea," Lance looked at it. "Well it's not green so at least we know Toad didn't make it. I think Pietro got some Thousand Island dressing on one of his little 'trips' to the supermarket."

"Well whatever it is it tastes pretty good," Kitty nodded. "Weird but pretty good." 

"And now for the main course," Lance went over to the barbecue set up. 

"Wow I didn't know you knew how to cook," Kitty blinked.

"But of course," Lance purred in a fake French accent. "Cooking eez de international language of love. I shall put zee vegetables on zee grill. Some peppers. Onions. Asparagus."

"Lance this is a side of you I've never seen," Kitty looked at him. 

"Well contrary to public opinion we members of the Brotherhood are not trailer trash," Lance smiled. "We have developed a keen palette for good food. Well except maybe for Toad. And Blob will eat anything. But still…" 

"I never thought of you as trash," Kitty said. "A jerk sometimes maybe, but never trash."

"Thanks," Lance looked at her. "You have no idea how much that means to me. Well let's get started on the omelet shall we?"

"You're going to cook it on the grill?" Kitty got up to watch him.

"Sure, just put the pan on the grill," Lance shrugged. "Okay we've got the eggs," He cracked some. "I'd say an even dozen ought to do it."

"A dozen eggs?" Kitty looked at him. "Lance I think you have been cooking for the Blob a little too long." 

"Don't worry," He mixed the eggs in a bowl. "A little salt, water, and a pinch of pepper…" Unfortunately the top of the peppershaker fell off and a huge quantity of pepper fell into the mixture. This also caused both of them to sneeze. "Okay so it will be a little spicy." 

"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Kitty asked as Lance poured the mixture into the frying pan and put the pan on the grill.

"Of course I know what I'm doing! Now I'll just douse the vegetables with a little wine," Lance smiled as he took off the cork. Unfortunately he poured just a little too much. "AAAAHH! FIRE!" He screamed as he was nearly consumed by a huge blaze. 

"AAAAAHHHH!" Kitty screamed. 

"Hot! Hot!" Lance yelped. 

"Lance do something!" Kitty yelped. 

"I got it I got it!" Lance grabbed a fire extinguisher and doused out the fire. He also accidentally doused Kitty as well as himself.

"Lance!" Kitty gasped as she looked at her ruined outfit. 

"Oh," Lance groaned as he looked at the ruined meal. "Kitty I'm sorry. I just wanted tonight to be perfect. Huh?" 

Kitty was having a hysterical giggling fit. "Lance you look so cute covered in foam!" 

"But I burned our dinner," Lance blinked. "Aren't you mad at me?"

"Well not really," She confessed. "To tell you the truth I'm not exactly the world's greatest cook myself. I probably would have done the same thing. It was very sweet of you to try and cook for me," She kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you."

Lance blushed. "Well so much for a gourmet dinner," He sighed. "Now what do you wanna do?" 

"Cheese pizza?" She smirked. 

"Good idea," Lance smiled back. He leaned down and was about to kiss her on the lips when some kind of music startled him. 

"What the…?" Kitty blinked and turned away. "What's that noise?" 

They looked behind them and saw Todd in a gypsy costume, complete with headscarf playing the violin. "Oh sole me-o!" He sang off key. "Oh me o my o!"

"Toad!" Lance groaned. "What the heck are you doing?" 

Although Todd stopped playing the music continued. "Hey I'm just providing a little romantic atmosphere here yo!" He turned to a tape recorder and shut it off. 

"Oh no," Lance groaned. "You guys have been here the whole time haven't you?"

"Well somebody had to capture this moment on video tape," Pietro popped out of the bushes. So did the other members of the Brotherhood.

"Say cheese!" Fred grinned.

"More like flambé," Tabitha giggled. 

"I thought we had a deal!" Lance snapped.

"Yeah like we were gonna miss an opportunity to watch you and Meow Meow here have a make out fest," Todd giggled. "Hey it's the least we deserve after you making us do all this yard work and stuff. We even made homemade dressing with special ingredients." 

"You did what?" Lance yelped. 

"If you put slime in the salad dressing…" Kitty snarled.

"He did not," Tabitha snapped. "I made it myself. I put in some olive oil, bacon, sausage, grease, mayo, ketchup, in a blender and…"

"YOU PUT WHAT?" Kitty shouted. "I'M A VEGETARIAN YOU JERK!" 

"Calm down," Tabitha snapped. "I put a carrot in it too." 

"That's it!" Kitty ran up and tackled Tabitha. "You are so dead!" 

Tabitha fought back. "Try and take me you twit!"

"Oh I am getting some great shots here!" Fred shouted as he trained his video camera on the two girls fighting on the ground. 

"I got five on Kitty!" Pietro shouted.

"Ten says Tabby's gonna clean that geek's clock!" Todd joined in. Then they felt the ground rumbling. "Oh oh," Todd gulped. "That can't be good." 

The guys saw a very angry Lance advancing on them with one of Todd's garden gnomes. "I gotta friend here that wants to have a little word with you clowns!" He shouted.

"Ohlookisthatthetime?" Pietro looked at his watch. "Gottago! Bye!" He zipped off.

"Hey come back here you deserter!" Fred shouted. "Uh oh!"

"I think we ought to join him," Todd gulped. "Run Freddy!" They ran away with Lance chasing them with the gnome. Meanwhile Kitty and Tabitha were having an all out war. They were completely trashing the backyard throwing energy bombs and flower pots at each other. 

Not far away another X-Man was nearby. "I heard this movie we're going to see tonight is really good," Taryn smiled. 

"Oh yeah," Scott sighed. "Love Stories of the Broken Heart. Sounds like a fun picture."

"HEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPP!" A scream echoed through the night.

"Hey aren't those guys from school?" Taryn asked as they saw Todd dressed in a gypsy costume and Fred running for their lives. 

"What in the…?" Scott looked at the pair. "What are those idiots doing?" 

"Come back here!" Lance chased them with the garden gnome raised above his head. 

"What is going on?" Taryn looked out the window. "What is he holding?"

"So that's what happened to the professor's garden gnome," Scott muttered as he drove away from the scene as fast as he could. 


End file.
